Some people are more approachable than others, just as in any other situation, so that’s the first thing people should really think about.  It’s like starting any other conversation with a person.  If you use the same tact, you’ll be less offending.

It’s also important how you word your question.  We’re all curious.  And curiosity can be attractive to some, and annoying to others.  It’s important to figure out when you just keep your mouth shut and just keep your curiosity inside.  But otherwise, asking genuine curiosity-filled questions seems to have worked for me.  And it seems to have brightened people’s days when I’ve been inquisitive enough to be admit I was enticed by their exotic looks, speech, or mannerisms.

PS: I know there’s more to Britain than just England. I’m trying to learn to recognise the regional accents. I can tell English apart from Scots and usually Welsh as well. It’s pinpointing beyond that that I need work on.

I’m a 3rd generation American of Russian and Polish ancestry, but my features often leave people guessing what my background is (probably because I am the product of a mother who is tall, tan and blonde with Aryan features while my father is short, pale, and skinny with strong Ashkenazic Jewish features). I am frequently asked “what I am,” to which the obvious answer is “American,” but I know what they mean and generally say “half Russian and half Polish.” People like to play the guessing game though, and tend to peg me as Italian or Lebanese. I’ve also gotten Puerto Rican, Columbian, Argentine, North Indian, and Israeli…

When people ask, I don’t find it offensive because I am also curious about other people’s backgrounds. Even as a child, I’d ask my friends (who at that time were mostly Caucasian) where they “were.” The typical answers were “Italian,” “German,” Irish,” or some other mix of European backgrounds, but I still found it so interesting! It didn’t strike me as a rude question because America is a melting pot, or a mixed salad if you will. So few of us are “from here,” so it seemed so natural to inquire as to people’s family backgrounds. I mean, unless you’re Native American your family had to have immigrated here at SOME point, right?

The only comment that I ever receive that I find borderline offensive is when people describe me as “exotic.” I know it’s meant as a compliment, but wtf is that supposed to mean? How can someone be “exotic” in America? WE ALL LOOK DIFFERENT!

White people ask each other the same question all the time because of accent or appearance.  I am German and have many friends from all over the world.  We are always asked the same question by all people everywhere, whether we (or the inquisitor) are French, Filipino, Ghanaian, or Australian.

Granted in America the motivation may be different, what’s wrong with a simple answer?  Is there really any reason to be ashamed by the answer?

Do not confuse a questioner’s perceived motivation with the validity of the answer.  The two are very separate.

You might respond with your origins AND ask where they are from in return.

While I agree there are better ways to go about finding out what someones heritage is than what you have experienced.  I’m sure everyone has something that they get asked on a regular basis that is either rude, annoying, or innapropriate.  I have a friend who is homosexual and hates when people ask him what role he plays in his relationships.

This is a country that breeds rudeness specifically because of the privileges granted us as citizens.  If I let racial stupidity get to me I’d never see my grandparents (who blame everything on immigrants) or go into the local latin market that I love (where I’m treated less favorably than those who speak spanish).  My point is that, while you are right, why would you dwell on the these things that bother you so.  If you really want to impact the racial inequalities we all deal with why not focus on bringing light to problems within the institutions that govern our fine country, not the tactless uneducated people who have no concept of humanity.

There’s nothing wrong with the simple “answer” you derived from my caption, but there IS something wrong with people feeling entitled to it, before they’ve had the decency to ask my name, how I’m doing, what I think of the weather and a few dozen other things.

Writing a post about one issue doesn’t imply that it is the only thing I care about or will write about, ever. Additionally, while you were taking the time to type your comment, on Facebook, a different reader posted, “THANK YOU FOR THIS. This is exactly how I feel and why I’m sick of this question.”

I’m not requesting that the world tiptoe around anything, but some common courtesy would be nice. One of the racial problems facing us is the concept of “privilege”– something my questioner was exercising when she interrupted my day to sate her own curiosity, just because she felt like she could.